life so fragile

and so i was tired and busy last week..attend hubby's uncle funeral daily..late night sleep, early morning awake.

i thought i will not cry, cos not that close..but on the 2nd last night, when i heard the prayers, i felt so sad..and remembered that he was so well during my wedding. On the last night prayer, i cried again. And on the last day, when i heard the band playing those sad songs, plus MIL crying and saying those sad words, wah lao, i can't stopped..

when he was been cremated, MIL fainted..somehow i did not really cry on that part cos it was not as terrifying like the last time, where it is manual pushed into the flames (like how my grandfather was).

I asked hubby did he cry and he said he did when uncle was pushed in.

he's 78yrs old and was suffering. you know how skinny he was? like an african refugee, starving for days. he can't swallow solid food or even liquid, everything was thru the pipe to the nose.
Maybe it's relief to him. And his sons were crying, big man crying, so u know why i can't stop crying and why MIL faint.

I must treasure life more, treasure family more. Not till i lost them, then i cry and regret.

But friends? Maybe some, those who appreciate me. Like i said, I have been calling her but she chose not to answer so what can i do right?